


you can't break me and i can't brake (at the speed of light)

by banjouryuuga (jaalsgf)



Category: Kamen Rider Zi-O
Genre: Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Pining, Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23783239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaalsgf/pseuds/banjouryuuga
Summary: In the aftermath of regaining his memories and Ride Watch, Myokoin Geiz is balancing on a razor's edge. Graduation has come and gone, and as summer gets hotter and longer, Sougo is increasingly pushy for the whole story- he knows he's missing something important, but doesn't understand why Geiz is holding back.But how do you tell someone they sacrificed their dream to give you a second chance at life? Especially when you wasted it?
Relationships: Myoukouin Geiz/Tokiwa Sougo
Comments: 11
Kudos: 33





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> cw for references to canon type violence but that's it really! i also take some liberties with geiz's backstory at some points because we don't know shit about him!! (thanks toei) the title is from the song 'tape' by brockhampton, that verse in particular is a big geiz mood.
> 
> anyway, geiz majesty hurt me and gaku oshida's arms hurt me every day. come cry w me at banjouryuuga on tumblr, and as always, feedback and concrit is greatly appreciated!

Later, Geiz wouldn't be able to explain how he held it together. In front of Sougo, Tsukuyomi, the others, his voice held strong as he held firmly to his ideals. This was their future, a future Sougo had worked hard to create for them to live peacefully. Nobody was allowed to interfere with that, and when the fight was won, he breathed a sigh of relief, a bit of weight gone from his shoulders. He had protected his friends, their way of life, and even though what he thought was his future was no longer in reach, he was still suffused with a sense of hope in the moment.

And yet-

He was alone that night, after Woz had disappeared and the novelty of messing with the Ride Watches had worn off. Sougo went home to his uncle, Tsukuyomi hitching a ride on the back of his bicycle, both of them turning around to wave goodbye and laughing when the bike wobbled. Geiz suppressed a smile and went back inside, brushing his teeth and washing his face, gingerly avoiding putting weight on one foot. He padded barefoot down the quiet corridor, opening the door to his darkened bedroom. 

The curtains swayed softly, slowly in the warm night breeze. It was going to be a hot summer, he thought absently. Then his vision fell to his futon, surrounded by the dull moonlit glint of judo trophies.

All at once, it hit him. His shoulders heaved with the weight of his grief for the life he had forgotten, and the one he never got to live, and he barely made it to his mattress before falling to the floor. Tears and snot soaked into the navy pillowcase as he tucked his knees close to his chest, wrapping his arms around them tightly.

The memories of his two lives, intertwined, crushed him. He could remember his parents, both alive and dead at the same time, both quietly breathing in their bedroom down the hall, and ash and bones in the dirt. He remembered the fires, the heat of rebellion against tyranny bubbling through his blood, adrenaline rush so much more than any test or confession from a girl. He remembered (vividly, now) the strength of his Rider suit infusing every muscle in his body, how he could turn stone to rubble, leave a trail of monster corpses in his wake, like the rush he got from judo but so much more intense, so much more right-

He remembers kind, serious Tsukuyomi, willing to do anything to make things right, no memories but uncaring as long as she was able to help. He remembers watching her crumple to the ground as Swartz struck his fatal blow, giving her life to allow Sougo his opening for a final strike.

But most of all, he remembers Sougo. He remembers the righteous fury he had upon their first meeting, his resolve to kill the evil overlord stronger than iron. The realization that who he thought would be cruel and sadistic, turned out to be kind, and desperately lonely. The softening of his heart when he came to realize the Sougo he knew could never be what Geiz thought he was destined to be. The molten, joyous heat that pooled in his core when he was the focus of those warm eyes and kind words. His soft hands, so capable of dishing out violence, so talented with a sword, so firm while bandaging Geiz’s wounds. 

He remembered the gentleness of Sougo supporting his neck as he bled out, his vision blurring and his slowing heart feeling so full, as he tried to confess how he felt with his last breaths. Dying to protect Sougo was his destiny, he felt it in the very depths of himself, that it was what he truly came to the future to do. He called Sougo’s name, asking him to become the overlord Geiz had dedicated his life to preventing the rise of. He knew things would be different. 

Geiz’s muscles locked up and shook violently as his stomach churned and he choked out another quiet sob. God, he had died in Sougo’s arms. It was hard to think back, this part of his memory still blurred from his own perspective. The rough cotton texture of Sougo’s shirt, the pain in his abdomen, the edges of his vision turning black. Then nothing, like when you’re so tired late at night you can’t even remember having fallen asleep the next morning.

Thanks to the actions of Kaito Daiki, though, he knew what had happened afterwards. Knew Sougo had manifested into Ohma Zi-O, saw him rupture the ground with sheer force of will, saw him effortlessly cut Swartz down like he was nothing, had always been nothing. Sougo had achieved the phenomenal cosmic power he had always dreamed of.

He had everything he had ever dreamed of around his waist, and could have continued to rule time and space with a gentle hand and an empathetic heart. And he traded it all away, to see his friends again. To give Geiz a chance at a normal life, a life where they could get to know each other without the weight of destiny hanging over their heads. 

A fresh wave of grief wracked Geiz’s body. By destroying his body and failing at judo, he had wasted that second chance Sougo had sacrificed everything for. He had already felt doomed to a meaningless existence without the dream he had worked hard for, and now with his regained memories, it only served to make him feel even worse. His injured foot throbbed in response, as if mocking him even further. 

He tightened his fist, digging his blunt nails into his palm, relishing the clarity of the biting pain if only for a moment. When he opened his fingers again, dark crescents were pressed into the lines on his pale palm, thrown into a harsher contrast by the silver moonlight streaming into his bedroom. His eyelids were hot and swollen when he brushed away tears with the back of his hand. 

He thought about seeing Sougo again tomorrow now, now that he knew. Where would he even begin? Sougo had been told he was an evil overlord in one timeline, but did he know the extent? Was it Geiz’s responsibility to tell him he razed entire cities to the ground, burned Geiz’s own parents to unrecognizable husks that fell to dust in his hands? That Sougo had the one thing he had always wanted, and had thrown it away for him? 

How would he tell Sougo that he died for him? That he still would? 

How did he expect to face Sougo again, with the knowledge of everything they had lost?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i've realized upon rewatch that the movie wasn't super clear, so i guess i'll state here: this fic is working off the assumption that Geiz regained ALL of his memories from the Zi-O timeline. so everything from his childhood up til his death. i'm also assuming because Kaito showed him his death from an outside perspective, that Kaito also showed him everything after his death leading up to the timeline reset. 
> 
> i unfortunately don't think we're getting more story for Geiz, but if we do i'll tag this as canon divergence!

It was hot. The box fan standing in the corner, cranked on high, and his wide open bedroom door did nothing to alleviate the stagnant humidity. Geiz laid face-down on his bed, limbs sprawled akimbo, loose tank top and basketball shorts still too much fabric on his sweaty skin. Cicadas could be heard even over the loud hum of the fan, only somehow making the air seem even hotter, and even this late in the afternoon the sun beat golden light against his curtains, lighting his whole bedroom with tones of deep yellow.

His judo certificates and trophies were nowhere to be seen. Stacks of manga and empty bottles of Pocari Sweat flooded his desk, a trash can full of protein bar wrappers and tissues overflowing beside it. A laundry basket full of clean laundry was stacked in the opposite corner, a pile of dirty clothes haphazardly scattered around the same area.

His phone buzzed loudly against the nightstand where he left it, and he grabbed it, absently wiping off condensation from a nearby water bottle on his shirt. Swiping down the top bar, he saw it was a text from Sougo. He huffed to himself and tossed the phone back down on the bed without opening the message. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to Sougo- he had long since accepted they were friends. They would have been good friends through shared trauma even if he hadn't regained all his memories.

But that was the whole issue, wasn't it. His memories cast a cloud over every interaction they had. After that first agonizing night alone with his thoughts, he limped his way to meet his classmates, barely able to look at his mother in the kitchen as he left. Sougo offered him a lift up on his bike once he exited Nine to Five, and he accepted, sliding onto the seat as Sougo began to pedal.

At first it had been easy, a part of him so used to this simple, safe world that empty smiles and casual banter had taken no effort. But as they sat on the school roof that afternoon for lunch (two identical bentos courtesy of Junichiro), hot spring sun beating down on them, Sougo turned to him with a teasing warmth in his eye, fiddling with the Ride Watch he had seemingly produced from nowhere.

"So, we fought with these things a lot? I was just kind of winging it, but it seemed like you knew exactly how to use yours! Pretty cool, Geiz."

Geiz froze, chopsticks with a chunk of steamed egg halfway to his mouth. He remembered the hours he spent honing his techniques before he ever left 2068, determined to be strong and fast enough to have a chance at taking down Ohma Zi-O. Showing up, bloody and bruised, to fight Sougo to the death with his own hands. Mastering his Typhoon form and speeding to block a kill shot aimed at Sougo with his own body-

"It'd be a sad universe if you were a better fighter than me, Tokiwa," he defaulted, and Sougo laughed, eyes squinting together in such a genuine expression of joy that Geiz's heart ached desperately. He grabbed at Geiz's hand, chopsticks still precariously handling the egg, and pulled it closer to his face. He grabbed the egg between his teeth and slurped it up, continuing with a full mouth.

"You'll have to tell me what my kingship was like, so I have time to prepare in this world too," he teased, and Geiz winced. Sougo didn't mean anything by it, he knew, but it was still too much to talk about.

"Yeah, sometime later." The bell rang, and that was that.

After that, if Sougo or Tsukuyomi tried to pry into what he remembered, he changed the topic. Tsukuyomi eventually learned to stop asking, but Sougo.. he couldn't give up. It felt like the more Geiz resisted giving details on their previous timeline, the more Sougo would joke around and try to guess what he was hiding. Things from the wildly inaccurate ( _"Did we all look super weird? Did we have seven fingers?" "Tokiwa, what the hell are you on about?"_ ) to guesses that hit a little too close to home, ( _"You just won't tell me because I bet you made an embarrassing confession to me and I turned you down!"_ ) he was relentless. 

He coasted through final exams, earning a solidly average score, and once he was free of school, he found he couldn't find it in himself to sort through how he felt. It was easier to lay there, easier to respond to his two friends with noncommittal one word answers, making up excuses every time they asked where he had been. He hadn't even seen Woz in over a month.

Geiz rolled over on his bed, flipping his pillowcase over and heaving a sigh of relief at the cool fabric on his sweaty neck. It would be cooler in the living room or kitchen, with their open floor plans, but his mother was prepping dinner, and seeing her was almost as hard as seeing Sougo. His father was nearly constantly at work, but his mother, an elementary school teacher, stayed home in the summer months, making her a constant presence in the home.

He felt sick thinking about Sougo again. Before, Sougo had deliberately asked Woz to stay away, to keep this timeline intact, so they didn't need to fight- so he didn't need to remember. And yet here he was, so similar to his past self in so many ways, so obviously desperate for the very details he had tried so hard to avoid. Was it Geiz's responsibility to respect past-Sougo's wishes, and keep everything to himself? Sougo had clammed up at the idea of being a ruler who had hurt people- how was Geiz supposed to tell him that they met when he came back in time to assassinate him? That Sougo had grown originally to be a violent, malevolent dictator, capable of feats of evil not even Geiz himself wanted to recall? He had redeemed himself and broken the chain of events by not repeating history, but that didn't erase the trauma Geiz was suddenly forced to confront all over again.

Then came his own guilt. Because in the end, Sougo had achieved his dream, and Geiz had failed. He had grown into the kind of man the world would be happy to follow; a kind and empathetic ruler. And Geiz had fallen for him. 

Sougo had given that up, too, to live a simple life with his friends at his side safely; to give them all a chance at their own dreams, dreams that had been snatched up by the circumstances of their birth. A chance that Geiz had thrown away, he reminded himself, by injuring himself. He flexed his ankle almost instinctively, stretching the muscles in his foot to prevent any stiffness like they had taught him in physical therapy.

Reaching up, Geiz wiped sweat from his hairline with the back of his arm and groaned. His stomach was tied up in knots, and all this thinking was just making him feel hotter. A shower would definitely help cool him off, he decided, and rolled onto his knees while yanking his tank top over his head. As he approached the door to his room and tossed the shirt onto his dirty clothes pile, however, he heard a faint shuffling down the hall. Sliding open the door, he nearly walked into Sougo, who was standing right on the other side with one hand raised as if about to knock. Wearing his customary baggy button down and comfortable pants, somehow his hair seemed even longer than the last time Geiz had seen him.

"Geiz!" Sougo beamed at him, entire face lighting up with warmth. "You didn't answer my text, so…"

Geiz's face flushed hard, somehow hyper aware of Sougo standing barely a foot away from him in the doorway, shirtless and sweaty. The combination of his nudity and being called out for ignoring his best friend was doing a number on his nerves, and he put one hand on the back of his neck reflexively.

"So you came over," he responded dumbly, and Sougo laughed a little.

"Yep! And damn, it is still so hot out, I'm surprised I didn't get gross biking over here." Sougo looked down, fanning himself with one hand, seemingly just noticing they were still in the doorway. "You, uh, going somewhere?"

God, this was awkward. How did he talk again? How many days had it even been since he had interacted with one of his friends in person? It had to have been a week and a half, at least.

"Shower. Do you want to wait in my room?" Talking to Sougo was the last thing he was capable of right now, but figured it was only polite to offer, stepping aside to let him through the doorway.

"What, I'm not invited?" Sougo teased, brushing past him and plopping himself comfortably on Geiz's bed, pulling out his phone. Geiz stared for a moment, smelling Sougo's cologne lingering where he had been standing. A graduation gift from Junichiro that It was perfectly normal really, Sougo had always been a flirt, lacking even the most basic of boundaries with his closest friends. It was always out of love and it received nothing more than an eyeroll, or maybe a thrown pillow before. But Geiz remembered what they had had now, remembered pressing Sougo against a brick wall with his own body, trapping him in, their breath mingling. The duality of his feelings overwhelmed him for a moment, half of him ready to take Sougo seriously, the other half prickling and deeply guilty.

His heart picked up, even as he scoffed. "Yeah, you wish," he added, maybe a little too quickly, because Sougo looked up from his phone at the breathy tone in Geiz's voice. Geiz quickly slid the door shut, and fast-walked down the corridor to the bathroom. Sliding the door closed behind him, he leaned on the sink with both hands, pressing his sweaty forehead to the mirror. The cool surface felt amazing, although when he pulled back after a few moments he made a face at the greasy mark he had left behind. 

Stripping down methodically, he went into the shower room and turned it on, barely tolerable on the back of his hand. He washed quickly, enduring the cold spray against his heated skin, and part of him was reluctant to turn off the spray when he was finished. Dragging the process out looked appealing in the face of Sougo and his questions, his kind eyes and the humid heat of Geiz's bedroom. His skin was pruning though, and he was starting to get goosebumps.

Toweling off, he was struck with the realization that he didn't bring a clean set of clothes- ordinarily, he would just walk back to his bedroom in his towel. He was torn now. Did he put his dirty shorts back on? Walk back in his towel, Sougo be damned? He groaned out loud again, scrubbing at his face with both hands. 

He thought about the old Sougo's eyes traveling his torso, lingering on the flex of his biceps as he dabbed blood off a shallow gash near the ball of his shoulder, ( _"It's going to hurt Geiz, come on, squirming will just make this take longer,"_ ). 

He put the shorts on and left the bathroom, damp towel slung over his shoulder. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, i live for feedback and would love any constructive criticism. staying in character is super important to me, i would love to hear any thoughts on that! thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm still alive!! and thinking about my unfinished fics every day! hopefully this transitional chapter is alright and as always, comments are my life!

When he got back to the bedroom, Sougo was sprawled out across his futon in his tank top, nose deep in the latest issue of his new favorite manga. His messenger bag and overshirt were stacked towards the head of the bed, and a box of matcha flavored mochi ice cream next to him. Even as Geiz watched, Sougo reached into the box and popped a whole ball into his mouth at once.

He slid the door closed behind him with a thump, and Sougo looked up at him in the doorway. Eyes wide, he abruptly choked and turned away. He coughed wetly as Geiz busied himself with getting dressed. He settled on a navy cutoff shirt, the kind of soft texture only achieved after dozens of washes. When he turned back, Sougo was wiping his eyes, still letting out a cough every few seconds. Their eyes met, and Geiz looked at the floor again, absently rolling his stiff ankle.

"Your mom brought these over," Sougo said cheerily, despite the weakness in his voice, waving the box of ice cream in Geiz's direction. And didn't that take some getting used to, Geiz thought absently, Sougo and his mother knowing each other. Myokoin Keito was someone who had normal friends, who had normal relationships with his normal parents. Geiz had a makeshift urn for a mother, and a version of Sougo had been the one to put her in it.

"I get brain freeze every time but I can't help eating them in one bite!" Sougo continued, and Geiz, realizing his eyebrows were pinching together hard, contorted his face into a more neutral expression. He wasn't sure how convincing it was, but Sougo wasn't exactly known for his pinpoint awareness, so he figured his overthinking had gone unnoticed.

"I don't know how you chew that stuff, my teeth are way too sensitive," he responded, and Sougo smirked, pulling out another ice cream and chomping it in half with gusto.

"Well yeah, I can't have weak teeth if I'm going to be a king, can I?"

Geiz rolled his eyes and tossed his damp towel on top of his pile of dirty clothes before reaching into the box. It was easier this way, even as his heart began to beat a little faster. Sougo merely mentioning his future as a ruler didn't affect him as much as it once had, just caused a distant ache in his chest.

He pulled out a mochi and pulled it into two pieces, biting off a small piece at a time. "Honeydew is better, but this flavor is okay I guess." Sougo popped the other half of the ice cream into his mouth and continued, leaning over to search through his bag. The edge of his tank top rode up, exposing a line of smooth, tanned skin, and Geiz averted his eyes quickly.

"Anyway, I told her I might spend the night and she said that was alright, so you and I have a date with this!" Sougo was barely intelligible through the mouthful of ice cream, but he waved a blu-ray box in Geiz's direction playfully. The cover depicted a rocky wasteland, with two heavily stylized characters facing off with opposing color auras. It was the same shonen as the one Sougo had been reading when he came in. "The show is a while behind the manga, but it'll still be fun to experience it together!"

Geiz hesitated, using his full mouth as a way to think the situation through. It was just like Sougo to invite himself over for the night, and Geiz now knew it was clear his distance had not gone unnoticed. Sougo was impossible to sway when he was determined, as Geiz was all too aware, so he knew he would have to accept the invitation.

And, as he swallowed and wiped his mouth with the back of one hand, it felt good to see Sougo. Despite his desire to wallow in his own misery, Sougo's warm, easy company made him feel better than he had in a few days. It was almost as if, by distancing himself, he was able to bury the most painful memories and act more accordingly to his old self. Like he could be Keito again.

"The animation had better not be shit this time," he said after a long pause, and Sougo's face busted out into a wide grin, "That last show was awful."

"Oh come on!" Sougo exclaimed, and Geiz snickered. Sougo had an affinity for terrible television and the last show he had wheedled Geiz into watching with him had been a whole extra level of strange. "The fights were awesome! That one guy relaxed himself so much he _died!_ You can't win a fight against a guy who's already dead!"

"That artist needed about twenty anatomy classes." Geiz said firmly, pulling his laptop off the desk and opening it carefully. If regaining his memories had given him one positive outlook, it was the realization at how comfortable his life was. The Geiz from 2068 would have killed for a warm bed, ice cream, a casual night watching something fun with a friend. He remembered sleeping on a dusty stack of rags in an abandoned cabin one night after a recon mission, the sneezing fits and aching back, and a shiver went down his spine.

_Focus,_ he told himself, coming back down to earth and opening the box, putting the disc into his laptop and settling back into the pillows. The setting sun had the room already dim, and Sougo settled in next to him, thigh pressing against his own in a comforting way. Orange tinted light of the show's menu glanced off his jawline and deepened the shadows, aging his face a little as he looked at Geiz. Geiz shivered.

"You ready?"

\-------

If there was one thing consistent in shonen anime, it was friends sacrificing themselves for friends. In retrospect, Geiz should have seen it coming from a mile away, and would later berate himself for not recognizing the signs. 

_The desert wasteland glowed with an eerie aura as the evil alien powered up a killing blow, the bleeding protagonist slumped against a pillar of burnt stone. As the oppressive, superheated blast approached the protagonist, his eyes closed as he accepted his defeat._

Sougo leaned forward, the glowing light of the final attack reflected in his wide eyes. Geiz's nostrils flared, stoic but intrigued.

_Suddenly, our protagonist is covered by a shadow, and he opens his eyes to see his best friend blocking the energy, the blast so brilliant and strong it fizzles the edges of his friend's very being. The older man turns back and winks before he's consumed by the light. No-!_

Geiz sits up so quickly the laptop almost goes flying, and all at once he's not in his bedroom anymore. He's on the cold stone again, Sougo's heaving sobs shaking his body as he bleeds out, weeping his name over and over again, Geiz, _Geiz,_

"Geiz!" 


End file.
